Don’t feel bad/sorry about these 5 things.

Hey now friends. You ever feel like a bad friend when your friends want to have a night out and you just want a night in? Maybe that is the Grandma in me talking but I’ve come to accept that I’m not going to be apologetic or feel bad about 5 certain things. Here is what I’m talking about.

  1. Don’t feel bad when you are tired and just want to sleep. There are so many times when I just want to sleep and my friends give me crap for not staying up. Don’t be sorry that your body demands sleep. If you are tired sleep.
  2. Don’t feel bad when someone deletes you off of Snap chat/Instagram/Facebook, etc.  I typically add anyone from snap chat. The other day I had someone snap chat message me saying that we never talk.That I watch their stories never say hi so they deleted me from snap chat. I calmly said, “Okay, no worries. Thanks for letting me know.” It honestly did not matter to me and I was actually taken back by his courtesy to inform me like that but I didn’t take it personally. If someone doesn’t want you watching their stories respect that. Adding to this don’t feel bad when you delete someone either. You can bet I deleted them as well. I even deleted a coworker off of snap chat today because he was sending me way too many useless snaps. That may be kinda mean of me to say but that is how I feel. Sorry not sorry.
  3. Don’t feel bad eating when hungry. If you are overweight like me you probably have had those moments when you don’t want to eat in front of coworkers or opt for a salad instead of that yummy Chicken Parm at the cafeteria. I’m telling you, don’t feel bad. Everyone eats. Even if they give you that “You’re eating that?” look, eff it. Life is too short not to eat what you want. Now how much you eat of it is a different story.
  4. Don’t feel bad when you are being frugal. There are so many times when sudden plans or unexpected expenses come up and you end up spending all you money. Like when you run up your bar tab when going out with friends. Or when attending a last minute event that you need to get a new outfit, transportation, and a gift for the guest who happens to be the roommate of your best friend’s sister in law’s cousin. It’s happened. I know FOMO may feel like a valid excuse why you suddenly feel you have to shell out your hard earned money but it’s not. It is perfectly okay to decline an invitation because of your budget. Really it is. If you really need to attend try setting a budget for yourself otherwise, don’t be sorry. Have some will power. If your friends give you crap for this one event, remind them how many others will come along.
  5. Don’t feel bad for needing your me time. I need to follow this one myself. I am a culprit of not managing my time properly. I have had many instances  where friends want to make plans and I end up doing house chores and binge watching K-dramas or Netflix. Then you also have those times when your best friend wants to hang but you are spending time with your boyfriend or vice versa. First world problems. On a serious note, don’t feel bad when you just want some time to yourself. I work 7 days a week and still have to juggle time between my boyfriend, my bestie aka my wife, and most importantly myself. I’ve declined invitations to bonfires and such because I needed to work out. I know, my will power is incredible…but not really. Prioritize what is important to you and don’t be sorry about it.

As always thank you so much for reading.

Unorganized Birthday Blues and thoughts days later

ORIGINAL POST

Hey now friends.Welcome back. Ironically, every year around my birthday I seem to have these overwhelming feelings of unhappiness. I remember my 25th birthday as the saddest birthday of my life. I even documented my quarter life crisis that day. It wasn’t all bad. That year encouraged me to make changes in my life that have ultimately led me to this point which is better than ever, and yet… here I am, unhappy again. Is it normal to always want more? I’m not talking about greedily wanting more, like  love, attention, and money. I’m talking about more happiness, more fulfillment, more time for myself? Ever feel like you are spreading yourself so thin that you don’t have any time to do things you want to do? I’ve been feeling that way a lot recently.

When I see all that I have I feel terrible for complaining. I have a loving boyfriend who makes me happy. However, sometimes I think he can be a jerk and inconsiderate which makes me feel awful and I start to consider if I should even be with him. I also have my best friend of over 20 years. She is the ying to the yang. She makes me very happy. But sometimes I do think that being together may not bring out the best habits in each other. Don’t get me wrong. I love spending time with her but spending time with each other is an indulgence. When we are together we smoke too much, eat too much, drink too, binge, and truthfully all these things should be in moderation. But we don’t moderate. If anything we do more and more of it because we know that we won’t judge each other for doing those things. It’s really not healthy. Is it wrong to just want to stay home and read? That sounds so silly to say but sometimes I just want to be alone and read.

I hate one of my jobs. I’m sure they know. I wish my other job was full time but it is not. In the end, I know anything that is not making me happy I can change. If I don’t like my job change it. It’s that simple. But letting go of a partner or an amazing friend over something so small is ridiculous to me. But I’m not happy. What do I do? I’ve thought about packing up and never looking back, but I can’t not look back. The selfish person in me wants to move away start fresh. Maybe not even have friends or boyfriends and be all about me. I know that won’t bring me happiness either. What makes you happy? Are we always on this journey to finding happiness and once it’s found does it even last? Will we always want something more? Something that will bring us more happiness. Is this normal? So many questions but where are the answers?

UPDATE

Hey now friends. Originally, I was going to post the previous post before my birthday which was July 14th. However, I wasn’t sure if my feelings would change and they absolutely have. My birthday is not always a joyous occasion and I do not know why. I am never excited for my birthday. It actually makes me really sad. This year on my birthday my best friend took off 2 days to spend a long weekend with me. Even though we pretty much just stayed in, we had such bonding moments that reminded me why she is the YING to my Yang. I appreciate her more than ever and I am really glad my feelings changed from a few days prior. We can bring out the best in each other and we will.

On the relationship front I was feeling very confused about me and my boyfriend. At times he can make me feel so loved but also awful. To the point that I don’t want someone like that around especially with my emotion and mental health issues. Even on my birthday he didn’t text or call me and I just accepted it. When I mentioned it to a coworker they said “You need to get new friends because they DO NOT care about you”. This can’t be true. My boyfriend and I finally booked our first vacation alone as a couple and I was so excited. I could not wait to spend a week alone with him. Then suddenly he messages me today asking what my ” The Truth” post was about? I told him it was what I was feeling in the moment but he wanted to know exactly what it was about, so I reluctantly told him. I was reluctant because I knew he would be upset over nothing and he is. Now I’m upset because I think he doesn’t feel appreciated, desired, or valued, and that is not true.  I was taken back that he even read my blogs.Sigh. I just don’t even know what to do. I can easily say it is in the past it doesn’t matter anymore but I know it doesn’t feel that way to him. I care about him very much. I love him. People ask what if it was you and I said I wouldn’t dig up his past because its true. Why does it matter what happened in the past. I would not be with you if I still cared about someone else. My horoscope said it best today. A potent alignment of the moon and Pluto in your partnership house could intensify a key relationship today. Things may heat up quickly—and that includes every emotion from passion to anger. For a fleeting moment, your individuality might feel threatened by this intimacy, yet this person adds significant substance and security to your world. Isn’t that what you’ve been longing for, Crab? Don’t look this gift horse in the mouth. There is not much I can do except apologize, try to make it right, and hopefully maybe he can read this post and know how I am feeling so we can work this out.

Lastly, work related. I’m still in this weird place but I am working so I can’t complain. I’m hoping everything will work out. This vacation could not come at a better time. As always thanks for reading. I really appreciate those who take the time to read my posts. I know they are not much and I am not an incredible writer, but I really value any readers, opinions, and people that can relate. Have a great week everyone.

Halfway there! Resolutions 2016 UPDATE

Bon Jovi said it best. Hey now friends! I wanted to post this blog at the beginning of the month but being the master procrastinator that I am, it is finally up today. As you can probably guess by the blog title this post is an update on how I am doing with this year’s resolutions so far. You can check out my original post at Resolutions for 2016.

  1. Resolution #1 Lose weight– Sigh, this has been a total fail…so far. When I made this resolution I was not aware of my hypothyroidism. Now that it was confirmed and I have been taking medication, I can finally start making changes to begin the process of losing weight. I would call this one a work in progress.
  2. Resolution #2 Save Money– I would call this one a work in progress. Though I did save up some money, I ended up spending it on unexpected expenses and much needed maintenance on my car. I am well aware of my finances right now as my student loans begin next month. I am planning to save up and budget better by preparing my own meals instead of eating out so much and entertaining at home.
  3. Resolution #3 Read More– YES! Finally, I can say I have been going strong on this resolution. I have been reading more and I’m so glad I have been. I think reading has unlocked some creativity and definitely helps me to check out of the digital world.
  4. Learn a New Language– This resolution I would consider as a YES but also a NO. From January to March I was doing very well on my efforts to learn Korean. I was utilizing a daily app, looking up the alphabet, and watching k shows. Then, I pretty much checked out. Though I still watch k shows I can’t say I have the same drive I did the first few months. I am planning to restart my endeavors soon. We will see how it goes.
  5. Start a Career– Ring a Ding Ding! We have a completed resolution! This resolution entailed finding a position in the healthcare field related to my Exercise Science Degree. I was successful in completing this resolution and now hold a position at a prestigious hospital in my area in Physical and Occupation Therapy.
  6. Meet New People– Of course I have completed this resolution and intend to continue. I have met many new people through my new position as well as through friends I had made the previous year.
  7. Improve my Writing Skills– I think we can all agree that we are our own worst critic. As far as improving my writing skills, I don’t see much evidence of improvement. However,this could be better determined by an outside party. I will continue on writing of course and reflect back at the end of the year.
  8. Not to be of Excellence– Ouch, this one has NOT been completed. I can say however, that I have been more myself and expressing myself more without reservations. I think part of me is afraid to be great and now that I am aware of how little effort I have put into this goal, I will work on it more for the second half of the year.
  9. Take More pride in my Appearance– This resolution I would consider a success. Though I can’t say I’m Anne Hathaway in the Devil Wears Prada, perhaps Anne from Princess Diaries.  I still hide behind my glasses sometimes but honestly it’s because I feel like it is a part of me. Hair and Make up has been improved. Although I have been minimizing my makeup routine and switching over to more vegan and natural products, I have still been keeping up with my appearance. Clothes I am trying to wear things that are more flattering but not limiting myself.
  10. Show those I care about how much I truly appreciate them– This resolution has been a sweet success with a bitter aftertaste.  I have successfully made great efforts in creating closer bonds with my sister, boyfriend, and best friends. From planning a surprise bday party for my bestie, to taking my sister to her very first concert, and showing my boyfriend how much he really means to me everyday. This has all been going well. However, I have also been cutting people out of my life. They just do not provide any source of positivity. I am not referring to the friend that might be going through a rough patch and takes you down a dark road. No. I am referring to anyone who brings me down and makes me feel insignificant. I will not tolerate it.cebf0474b0aacde4470af1b9e4267d27

I’d love to hear how you are doing with your New Year’s Resolutions. As always thanks for reading.

The truth is…

The truth is I feel worthless sometimes. I am writing this post on my phone right now, with tears running down my face feeling defeated. A lot of the emotional issues I have including my anxiety are attributed to the relationship I have with my mother. I have seen counselors, psychiatrist, and even take medicine for all the mental and emotion scars I have. Though I am way better than I ever was, it is incredible how one little moment can break you down and take you back to such a dark place. To me, it’s the little things that make me happy. Whether it’s a silly kpop boy band , a new article of clothing, or writing a post on a blog that barely anyone reads, about something as silly as my resolutions or the Top 5 favorite things of the week. Those things make me happy. There is a bigger picture here. Bigger than you may have ever seen or considered. You may see someone who isn’t the best writer and may write about trivial things. That’s probably what I think most people see. However, there is more to that. Writing about things that make me happy is an outlet and could all possibly bring happiness to others. It’s about a person that may be struggling, and having a hard time and could use a distraction. Although the issues may not disappear at least they could feel happy about something. I read blogs all the time about similar situations/feelings and I always try to make them feel like they are not alone. That’s all I want. For people to know that they are not alone. That I’m not alone. Perhaps what I see in others is a reflection of what I see in myself or use to see or even want to see. Again, I’m probably getting a little bit side track but bottom line, do what make you happy and know your worth. You matter. If only I can tell myself that too when it counts. As always thank you so much for reading. You matter more to me than you will ever know.

Playa Del Fuego 2016

Hey now friends! Long time no see. It has been about a month since my last post. Even though I have not been posting for a while I have still been actively reading blogs, liking posts, and commenting. I just wanted to give a little update on some of the things going on at the moment. I have just returned from my Playa Del Fuego part 2 or Spring PDF 2016. Previously, I had written about my last playa experience in October 2015 and how I could not wait to return. Sadly, it did not live up to the original playa experience but nonetheless this trip still had its benefits. In terms of creativity and open-mindedness, I definitely gained some new perspective and motivation of sorts for new projects. I also feel that the bond between my bestie and I became stronger due to some of the challenges we faced. We became very aware of the trust we have between each other which is very meaningful and fulfilling. I also came to appreciate other strong bonds like that of family and significant others which have always been appreciated but just even more passionately.

Lastly, I have learned how precious natural and organic items are. When we think of natural or organic we often think of plants or food, which is true but what i’m talking about is a little more in depth than that. Anything in this world, anything that is not natural or organic was created by ideas. The most precious organic, natural items to us in this world is the human body and soul. What we are born with is organic. That is something to be treasured. Our body is our temple and vessel of our soul so why not treat it with respect. I have learned that. I want to love and appreciate my body and want to do what is best for it. Yes, there is also things such as self expression like dyeing your hair, tattoos, etc. Regardless of these being stressors on the body they are still organic ideas from the soul which help others see how you feel and who you are. Self expression is beautiful. Maybe I’m contradicting myself but it is something I believe. Okay, I am done with my hippie talk. I hope you all are having a fantastic week. As always thanks for reading. Until next time folks.

 

TOP 5 Tuesday

Hey now friends! Happy Tuesday. Today I wanted to share a long overdue Top 5s post with you all. I have finally made the time and wanted to share 5 things that I have been obsessed about lately and think you guys would enjoy as well.

  1. Chlorophyll drops- So I heard about this product from one of my favorite You-tubers Bethany Mota.  She recommended this dietary supplement for a little boost of energy so I decided to try it out. I ventured off to my local Whole Foods and picked up ChlorOxygen Chlorophyll Concentrate. It is alcohol free and builds blood cells. It claims to increase the amount of oxygen to cells and give you more energy. Pretty much it’s supplying your body with nutrients from greens that you may not get enough of from you diet. This product increases the oxygen capacity in cells which gives you energy. So far I really enjoy this product. I put 5-8 drops in 16 OZ of water. It says how much to drink which I believe to be 18 to 28 drops a day. It is a dark green color which can make your water look like mouth wash or Antifreeze, but it doesn’t have a strong flavor. I know I make it so appealing but have seen a change in my mood and energy. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
  2. Veggie Heaven I have been obsessed with this establishment for about 2 months now. Ever since I tried their sauteed spinach noodle I was hooked. This vegetarian restaurant provides Asian cuisine and will make you want to go vegetarian for life. One of my favorite foods there included the chicken nuggets. I KNOW RIGHT! It is made from protein whey and soy bean fiber which gives it the right texture.Personally, I think it tastes better than actual chicken and the sauce it comes with is fantastic. I also enjoy their Roast pork which I think is tasty. Who knew fake meat could be so delicious. If you are ever in New Jersey I HIGHLY recommend this place! It is pretty affordable as well.
  3. NCT U I would just like to say that I am an EXO fan for life. However, NCT U which is the new rookie band debuted from SM entertainment in South Korea has earned a piece of my boy band obsessed heart. Their single “The 7th Sense” is so different than the average pop boy band SM usually rolls out. It has a hip hop edge that is really appealing and their music has been currently on repeat for me. I have linked their music video if you want to check them out. I am obsessed with these talented babies lol.
  4. Felicia Romero- If you haven’t heard of Felicia Romero, she is a Fitness model and Trainer. I first took notice of Felicia from Bodybuilding.com and became more interested in her after learning that she suffered from hypothyroidism. I was recently diagnosed and feel that she is relate-able and an inspiration. I love watching her YouTube videos in which she shares her experiences, tips, and recipes which are helpful and motivating. She is on Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, Bodybuilding.com, and also has her own fitness center and does personal training. Here is her website if interested. http://www.frfitmethod.com/ .
  5. MAKE UP FOR EVER Step 1 Skin Equalizer Primer My last top 5 items is a skin/makeup product. I receive a sample of this product in my April Ipsy glam back and it has become a staple in my skin care. Though it is a bit pricey the quality of this product is amazing. I use to breakout quite frequently around my chin mostly because I wear the most make up there. When I use this product prior to applying my make up not only does it prevent breakouts but it also smooths and hydrates my skin. I absolutely love this and would recommend trying it if you are looking for a new primer. I would suggest trying a sample before purchasing since it is a nice chunk of change and may give different results depending on how your skin is. Just a friendly suggestion.

    As always, thank you so much for reading. If you try any of the Top 5s please let me know. I would love to hear any feedback. Enjoy your week everyone. :]

Accomplishments? Not really.

Hey now friends! It’s been a while. I wanted to get this post up to check in. Lately, I have been working a lot with having 2 jobs now. Any free time I have I find myself just wanting to sleep. I attribute it to my hypothyroidism but maybe it’s just lack of motivation and actual fatigue. With the nice weather coming up and I can feel myself not at the place I want to be physically. Every time I want to workout I feel extreme fatigue and just become catatonic. Perhaps this is also related to working 14 days straight with no days off. In reality I don’t feel the fatigue mentally, but physically I just want to rest.

I also notice that I have accomplished very little in the last few weeks. Though I am working more which is very productive, I haven’t accomplished much besides that. I think it has been about a month since my last post, I have yet to finish my CPR online course which I started like 2 months ago, I haven’t read a book this month, I haven’t finished knitting a scarf, and like I previously mentioned I have not committed to an exercise routine yet.

I’m hoping this lull will pass. I think I just need to make it through these next work weeks and make sure I am getting adequate rest, so when I do have the time to accomplish something I will complete it and not half ass it. I hope you are all having a wonderful week. As always thanks for reading.