Sigh

Hey now guys. I have dealing with certain feelings lately pertaining to a distressing situation with my best friend. A little back story about my bestie and I. We met in the 1st grade and have been friends for 20 years now. She is my rock. She is everything I am not and keeps me grounded. To me she is more than just a best friend. She is part of my soul. That is how much I care about her. She is literally the Ying to my Yang. For the last 3 weeks however she has been MIA. The last time I saw her was about a month ago at dinner with another friend of ours and my sister. Our other friend was being very rude and I called him out on it. Ever since then they both seem to be avoiding me and it makes me feel like crap. I am not sure if this is the reason or not but it seems like it is to me. At some point I wasn’t sure if I was wrong and out of line until my sister reassured me that I wasn’t and that she was proud of me for standing up to him like that. We have known this friend for years now and got very close to them this past year. She in particular hangs out with him a lot since she picked up this nasty habit of smoking cigarettes from him and also he has a lot of connections.

Anyways, I think this is attributing to my feelings of being lost. She has always been there for me through the good, bad, and the ugly. She always tried to understand me even if I was wrong. This situation hurts a lot because I feel abandoned in a way. I kidd around about how I have abandonment issues but to be honest I really do. This hurts so much because I truly thought she would be there forever. I even confronted her about it asking if she has been avoiding me because of what happened that day. She told me she hasn’t been but I really think she is lying. I can understand if she is avoiding me or excluding me a bit more not on her part but because of our friend that she has grown close to. That would at least reassure me that it is not her and I who have issues. But she hasn’t hence she is creating issues between us. At first I thought I was over reacting but I know I am not. Not seeing each other for a month is just not normal for us. She lives down the street for crying out loud.

Another part of me is probably jealous too. I feel like she enjoys the other friend because he questions her and doesn’t always agree with her. I will admit that I am a very understanding person and go with the flow so I don’t confront too much. Another reason I think she likes hanging out with him as previously mention is all the connections he has and opportunities he has to different events and friend groups. In a way this makes me feel like she think I have no other friends but her which is simply not true. I have other friends I have made at school and through life experiences. Even this past weekend I went to New York with another dear friend of mine and met some amazing fun people. Maybe we need this time off. I know for me I am taking it all in and trying to realize what our friendship means to her. I think she might take what we have for granted and will quickly realize that when I’m doing other things. This is not the first time she has done something like this so I hope there will be an apology or even just blatant honesty in the future. Either way, I just miss her.